“The difference between the almost-right word and the right word
is really a large matter–it’s the difference between the lightning bug
and the lightning.”—Mark Twain
Whether dealing with clients, coworkers or superiors, how
you phrase and frame your message colors the way people perceive you.
The words you choose may be the difference between being thought of as
problem-solver or a problem.
“Words are very important because they shape not only how
other people hear you, but how they feel about you,” says Karen
Friedman, author of Shut Up and Say Something: Business Communication Strategies to Overcome Challenges and Influence Listeners.
“If you garner some kind of positive emotion, then you’ll make people
care. Then you’re in a much better position for them to listen.”
However, too often business communication is peppered with filler
words (umm, uh huh, well) that muddle the message, qualifiers (sort of,
kind of, mostly) that diminish authority, and negative framing (can’t,
impossible, never) that is discouraging and unproductive. In an informal
poll of communication experts and career advisers, these 10 phrases
were voted the worst things to say in your career.
That’s not my job.
“This makes it about what you can’t do as opposed to what you can
do,” says Friedman. “It paints you as not being a team player.”
Furthermore, it flies in the face of crucial career assets like
flexibility and the willingness to learn new skills, which are required
for leadership roles. Take it to a positive place by saying, “It’s not
really my area of expertise. Let’s see who might be able to better help
with this.”
I think…
Lorrie Thomas Ross, chief executive of consultancy Web Marketing
Therapy, calls this and others like it (“I believe” and “I feel”)
“discounting phrases.” They make you seem less authoritative and reduce
the power of the message. The statement, “I think this is the best
strategy,” is much weaker than, “This is the best strategy.” Likewise,
eliminate prefaces like “I want” or “I’d like to.” So, rather than
saying, “I want to thank you,” simply say, “Thank you.”
I don’t know.
“You think that’s being honest, but it’s really a cop out,” says Henry Devries, assistant dean for continuing education at the University of California San Diego and co-author of Closing America’s Job Gap.
“It can be seen as lazy and not willing to take the next step.”
Instead, say: “Let me find out the answer.” Similarly, saying, “I don’t
know how to do that,” is better framed as, “Where could I get help to
learn how to do that?” Then, you’re bridging the solution.
I can’t.
Again, this suggests a rigidity and unwillingness to be helpful or
provide solutions. “You want to show employers you are ready to learn
and tackle any challenge,” says Josh Tolan, chief executive of video
interviewing platform Spark Hire. Instead of dismissively saying “I
can’t,” pinpoint the issue and suggest a way around it. For example, if
you’re asked to present a project at a time that conflicts with another
commitment, say, “Unfortunately, I have a conflict then. However, I’ve
been working closely with Sarah on this, and she would be fantastic.”
But…
“Using the word ‘but’ completely negates whatever you’ve said before
it,” says Devries. While you may be well-intentioned, a comment like
“that blouse looks nice on you, but the earrings don’t match” will not
be taken well. We are conditioned to always listen for the negative
information. “We’re used to the manure sandwich,” he says—that’s
something nice, something negative, something nice, so that the negative
bit is sandwiched in between. Oftentimes, “but” is easily replaced with
“and,” which softens the message.
That’s not a good idea.
Nancy Mobley, founder and chief executive of consultancy Insight
Performance, says quickly shooting down ideas makes employees and
coworkers feel less comfortable about sharing their opinions and ideas,
which can hamper creativity and innovation. “Some of the best ideas
might be something you’re apt to shoot down before vetting them and
getting more information,” she says. Instead of dismissing something
outright, ask a question like, “How would it work?”
I’ll try.
“The word ‘try’ implies the possibility it may not get finished; it
presupposes possible failure,” says communication expert Darlene Price,
author of Well Said. If your boss asks for a proposal first
thing in the morning and you respond, “I’ll try to get it finished,”
you’re undermining yourself and putting doubts in your boss’s mind.
Instead, say, “I’ll have it on your desk by 9 a.m.”
It wasn’t my fault.
“People hear it as defensive,” says Friedman. If someone asks what
went wrong, they may not even be blaming you, so immediately diverting
blame only draws attention to it. Take the higher ground, and try to be a
problem solver. Say, “Let me try to better understand what happened,”
or, “Let’s figure out how we can prevent it from happening again.”
I guess.
This is a common qualifier, which people use to hedge their bets
against saying the wrong thing. “Avoid language that is tentative and
not reflecting confidence,” says Dale Austin, director of the career
development center at Hope College.
Erase it from your vocabulary. If there’s a concern that gives you
pause, instead of speaking tentatively, express the concern outright.
That’s impossible.
Like saying “it can’t be done,” “that’s impossible” is extremely
negative. “It signifies that you’re not willing to even try,” says
Friedman. “Negativity is infectious and spreads like a virus.” To keep
it positive, say, “Let’s look at some different ways to tackle it.”
Source: www.forbes.com by Jenna Goudreau
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